Guys, I’m going to do something that I’m really good at. Yes, I’m going to write a blog post. Yes, I’m good at this. What are you talking about? I’m so reliable. I’m also good a sarcasm. Maybe I should do that instead. Oh wait, I ALREADY AM.
Now that the awkwardness is out of the way, today’s blog is inspired by one of my classmates who got really angry when I called a “biscuit” a “cookie”. If you didn’t already know, they have different names for some things over here. I’m going to give you the essential translations so you don’t make an ass of yourself. You’ll probably do that anyway, but I’m going to try and help because I’m nice like that.
1. Cookie = Biscuit They don’t have cookies, they have fancy shmancy biscuits. “Ben’s Cookies” is the only place I think I’ve seen that word over here, and they don’t even touch Mrs. Fields. That bitch knows how to bake.
2. Trash = Bin/Rubbish You just finished binge watching Orange is the New Black while eating three pints of Ben and Jerry’s Phish Food. Those pints aren’t trash, they’re rubbish, and you don’t throw them in the trash can, you throw them in the bin. You should also throw yourself on a treadmill.
3. Pants = Trousers and Underwear = Pants Americans like to complain about this one because apparently the word “trousers” is just so silly! Normally I would say keep using “pants” but unfortunately the word “pants” has a different connotation here and people will think you’re weird/perverted.
4. Fanny = Vagina Yes, you read that correctly. Fanny does not refer to the derriere but the lady parts. Just don’t say it. Ever.
5. Bathroom = Toilets/Loo They have so many words for restrooms over here. I never know which one to use. I feel always feel like a wanna be Brit (which I am) when I say “I have to go to the loo!” but I just feel odd when asking “Can you point me in the direction of the toilets?”I usually stick with the ever classy, “I have to pee”, which seems to get the job done.
6. Fries = Chips and Chips = Crisps The only place you will hear “fries” is at McDonalds or Burger King. No, I don’t go to McDonalds and order chicken nuggets all the time! I prefer the chili chicken royale from Burger King, you swine!
7. Line = Queue You should already know this. You don’t “get in line”, you “queue”, and the Brits queue like it’s their job, so watch out. Also, Netflix and Tumblr have queues, so you have no excuse. *cough cough uncultured miscreant cough cough*
Annnnd that’s it for today. And by today I mean a few months because we all know that I suck at this.